Hot Tub

Adobe and Microsofts Updaters are like cops who pull you over when you weren’t even speeding. And before you can ask the cops what you did wrong, they yank you from the car, spread your feet apart and lock your arms behind your back with handcuffs that dig into your wrists. Ouch! To rub salt on the wound, they then force you quit your browser — losing all your open tabs — and they also make you quit most of the apps you have open with no explanation.

At this point, all you can do is succumb, wait for the Updater Cops to have their way with you. No, you don’t understand what they’re doing. No, they won’t let you know how long this is going to take. You have no idea what will happen when they’re done. You hope you get lucky and they end up letting you continue on your way. But you also know there’s a chance that things could go bad, and you’ll end up requiring professional services to negotiate for your freedom.

Worst part is, you get the sense the Updaters like it this way. Sure, they could be curteous and informative, asking questions and explaning what they’re doing, but they never do. It’s about control, you think to yourself. They have it, and they like it. Bondage and Domination, Updater Style.